i cant help but think bout it all the time

my mind seems to come to it every time when i start to enjoy myself....

and i will feel guilty bout it... guilty for being so relax and later b sad all of a sudden....

if u know wat i mean... i mean some of u already know wat im talking bout....

im scare for tat day to arrive... and arrive and be disappointed....

i did try my best d... but some how its not enough....

im scare the past will repeat itself and i cant accept it for the 2nd time...

i dunno wat will happen to me if i experience it for the 2nd time.....

the 2nd....

slap on the face...
heartbreak.
effort...
failure...

some people get stronger but i get weaker....
and tat is y im at the lowest point in life till i c the result of it....